Remembering Joe

I was thinking recently about how we always associate the heart with love and the joys or pain associated with that most powerful of emotions. It just doesn't seem logical. It doesn't have anything really to do with how we feel. One would think it would be the brain! I gained perspective on this lately.

On Saturday evening, reports were circulating regarding the failing health of our beloved coach, Joe Paterno. Now, we've known about his condition battling lung cancer for quite some time. However, this turn of events was a little unexpected and certainly caught me off guard. I got the news regarding how serious this was and even the possibility that he had died immediately after shooting the gymnastics meet at Rec Hall. Standing out in the cold, staring at my phone and feeling that ultimate sensation of fright, I set for home to change camera equipment and head for Joe's Statue out at Beaver Stadium. Needless to say, Penn Staters were already gathered in quite a group and had transformed the area into a bath of warm candle glow.

The transformation even applied to the statues of football players running out behind the famed coach.

I was in photographer mode for most of the night and didn't let the sadness get over me until a little girl in her mother's arms pointed at the statue asking, "Who is that?" Her mom says, "That is Joe Paterno, one of the greatest football coaches ever." The man next to her replied, "He was much more than that." I walked away for a little while before I could go back to working.

Upon learning that Joe was still battling; still alive and fighting, I came home in good hope that everything would come through alright. That inner glow faltered withing the first moments of waking up on Sunday morning. I received the dreaded news via a text message. We proceeded to go to the women's basketball game against Iowa wearing black ribbons on our sleeves. Sitting at home, watching the football games later in the evening, I was in the mood to just stay in and mourn privately. I went online and saw friends saying they were at Old Main and I knew I had to go.

It was a moving ceremony. I couldn't help thinking of how we were all gathered here in support just recently and it made me realize how much we've been through as a school this year. Once the Blue Band finished playing, most people went to Joe's Statue again, but I just couldn't bear to go again. I went home and reminisced  on the evening and did some editing of the photos I had taken over the weekend. An image of Beaver Stadium lit into the low-lying clouds was circulating on facebook and it was quite moving. I told myself, it was now or never to get that image for own being. So once again, I got on the bike and scouted for the best location to find a shot. I finally settled on a view that had actually inspired me earlier in the day. At about 4 in the morning I had my image. The only thing that emanated from it was the idea of Joe on his way to Heaven and thus the only title that could fit it was "Lights will Guide you Home."

That night, or morning rather, I did a great deal of emotional searching. I cried, cried, and then cried more. Just in disbelief, but coming to terms with it at the same time. It really took a great deal out of me. I finally got to sleep early in the morning. Waking up a few hours later for my class, I was riding my bike past the library and realizing how sore, tight, and painful my chest was. It was my heart and all of the stress put on it from love. True heartbreak. It really dawned on my why the heart is the symbol of love; It is truly where you feel it. Right there in your chest.

Today, I waited in an enormous line for almost two hours just so I could pay my respects to a man I owe more than I can ever give back. I'm glad I was able to say goodbye to a true Legend.

You are forever in our hearts Joe. We love you.

Medium

During Photo 402, I saw this blog as a required activity. I enjoyed describing the work and getting a chance to explain what was going on in my head while I made it. Now that I've moved into the next semester, I want to maybe use this blog as my medium to chronicle my semester from my own perspective. Not to have readers or do anything outward, but just as a way to recollect on this last few months here at school. Things are going to change and I'm going to be pretty busy with new responsibilities. So here goes that last semester. I thought this picture sums up how I feel about it. Just open but still a little in the dark. I don't know if it's because winter is my favorite season, but I always seem to be inspired to do things like this when it's cold.

Artist Statement: Final Project

The recent events here at the Pennsylvania State University have brought out the extremes on the emotional scale for everyone. Standing right in the center of all the swirling controversy has been Joe Paterno. Many people that live on the outside pointed fingers and placed blame on a man with a golden reputation. It's made me realize more than ever that this lifestyle and passion for my school is something that cannot merely be explained. It's just something that those on the outside will never understand. That idea is the basis for this book. I wanted to create a collection of reflections on what one man really meant to this community. Perhaps in some way, this work can give just a glimpse of understanding to those on the outside and also be a fond remembrance to those who really experienced being in the presence of a legend. Coach Paterno's reputation has in no way been tarnished for me and I can only do this small favor to honor his legacy.

Basketball Begins

One of my favorite parts of the year has just leaped into action. Basketball season at Penn State. Since I'm in the band, I have to go to every game and I just love being a part of all the action all season. It's gotten me thinking about all of the ups and downs we will have during the season and the amazing culmination with my favorite trip to Indianapolis for the Big Ten Tournament. It was a great way to start of the exhibitions by having a double-header. First, the girls beat Bloosmburg and I got to watch my favorite player, Maggie Lucas, once again drain three-pointers as they scored 101 in the game. The men played right afterwards and beat Slippery Rock. It was a long day but I'm glad to see everything back in action.

In the Studio

The worst feeling in the world is waking up, looking at the clock, and knowing that you slept right through something. That jolt of adrenaline you get is certainly more awakening than that cup of coffee. On Monday morning, that same feeling surged right through me. I slept through about forty minutes of my morning class by accident. I thought about just going back to bed, but I hate missing class and decided to just go in for the last hour. I'm really glad I did because only 2 of the 5 group members other than myself were actually in class that day. We are working on using light meters and studio lights which is one of my favorite things to do. I used to hate the idea of flash photography but I think that was mostly because I didn't know anything about it or how to use it. My strobe hero, Joe Mcnally, has really changed my thinking. Now I love to use the lights and create drama. Once I got to class , we were working on some really basic portraits with a very standard lighting setup...you know, boring. Once we got our metering right, we were allowed to do some experimenting with the lights. I really love to go to the edge and be a little dramatic with the lighting. Since we were in an all white corner of the room, I went high-key and blasted my other group member (and lovely model) with light to create a high-key portrait. I'm really happy with the results, but I've always been under the idea that I don't need to be the best photographer to make a pretty girl look...pretty.

I'm pretty glad I decided to go to class.

Image and Text; Reprise

Based on the review of what I created in the last project, I decided to create a new vision to really fulfill the assignment properly. I wanted to find something that could be continued and can really include anyone as a subject. Since the project is based on words, I decided to have all of my subjects focus on one single word. I asked them to write what they think the worst word is to them. Having photographed a few different people so far, it's become very telling of their personalities. It's been intriguing to see how just one word can say so much about a person. I started by using people I know, but it would be definitely interesting to be able to ask strangers along College Ave or other places as well.

This is my photo editor at the Yearbook and her word is "can't." This made so much sense since what she is in charge of is getting people to do things for our organization. When people say that can't, it probably gets her pretty frustrated.

My friend Ben has for some time been an observer of people in general and society. He always has insightful views on the things he observes and people's behavior. His word, very logically, is "pretentious."

A friend I've me through photography is Katie and she was my next subject. She is a little quirky and overall an extremely friendly girl. When I asked her what her word would be, she jumped immediately to "skeeves." It's not a real word, but when her roommate uses it, the word just crawls up her spine. A colorful word for a colorful girl.

My former roommate and one of my great friends from high school, Mike is not a typical guy. He is certainly unique but he is also very caring and pretty emotional. After thinking about his word for a few minutes, he chose "end." Saying basically that he just doesn't want or like when things end. Pretty special thought.

Lindsay is one of my best friends from the choirs I do here at school. Also a little quirky but it's lovely and special. Her choice of word was almost immediate and it definitely says a bit about her. She can pull a 180 on you if act on her peeves. He word makes her feel quite annoyed; "moist." Note the festive nail polish.

Bill is also one of my best friends from choir. I don't think I'd make it very successfully through a choir rehearsal without him joking around by my side. His word actually even relates to jokes. He hates when people use the verb "fail," as is ever popular these days.

I've really enjoyed seeing the personalities of the people I know through a single word. I'd like to be able to continue the project and photograph some subjects that I've never met before to maybe see a little into them through this single hated word.

Final Project Proposal

My grandmother is a very special person. Not only to me, but just all of the things she has experienced and the tests she has been put to in the recent years. She was born in 1917 and will be turning 94 this November. I'd like to spend one of these upcoming weekends with her at her home in Schuylkill County. That's partially one of the special things about her; she lives by herself on a 30 acre farm. One of the things that was difficult to deal with was when she had cancer and needed to be hospitalized. The amount of medication she has to take these days has caused her a good deal of issues, but she pushes through. She is a courageous little lady who I intend to document over the weekend.

                My plan is to take one of the upcoming weekends and spend it with her at the house. There are also a few places around her little town that she enjoys going to like a local restaurant where she always gets the same dish where I'd like to take her. I want to take the viewer on a visual journey through the daily life of someone who has experienced almost the entire 20th century.  My strategy for this narrative is just to share the story of an atypical senior citizen. When I talk to my friends about the age of their grandparents the range is usually over 70 to around 85 years-old. My grandma is a truly special lady and I plan on photographing the rigors of daily life after 90.

                I don't foresee  too many challenges in this project since she is a family member of mine and loves to have company. The issues that could come up are perhaps her desire to not leave the house where she is comfortable, but she normally doesn't pass up a chance to go to her favorite spots. The challenges are mostly finding a weekend where I am available to spend that much time with her since she lives a few hours away. The best opportunity might actually be this coming weekend since there is no football and my responsibilities might be lighter.

                The method I plan on presenting this project in is through a book. I think images with captions or text on the opposing page would be the best method to really explain what is happening in the images. I am also thinking in my own personal perspective because I would like to document this portion of my life and someone I love for years to come. This would not just be an assignment for the class, it would be a personal intent to capture and remember something important to me. I think there is a story worth sharing, but I would also like to take this opportunity to do something special for my family.