Remembering Joe

I was thinking recently about how we always associate the heart with love and the joys or pain associated with that most powerful of emotions. It just doesn't seem logical. It doesn't have anything really to do with how we feel. One would think it would be the brain! I gained perspective on this lately.

On Saturday evening, reports were circulating regarding the failing health of our beloved coach, Joe Paterno. Now, we've known about his condition battling lung cancer for quite some time. However, this turn of events was a little unexpected and certainly caught me off guard. I got the news regarding how serious this was and even the possibility that he had died immediately after shooting the gymnastics meet at Rec Hall. Standing out in the cold, staring at my phone and feeling that ultimate sensation of fright, I set for home to change camera equipment and head for Joe's Statue out at Beaver Stadium. Needless to say, Penn Staters were already gathered in quite a group and had transformed the area into a bath of warm candle glow.

The transformation even applied to the statues of football players running out behind the famed coach.

I was in photographer mode for most of the night and didn't let the sadness get over me until a little girl in her mother's arms pointed at the statue asking, "Who is that?" Her mom says, "That is Joe Paterno, one of the greatest football coaches ever." The man next to her replied, "He was much more than that." I walked away for a little while before I could go back to working.

Upon learning that Joe was still battling; still alive and fighting, I came home in good hope that everything would come through alright. That inner glow faltered withing the first moments of waking up on Sunday morning. I received the dreaded news via a text message. We proceeded to go to the women's basketball game against Iowa wearing black ribbons on our sleeves. Sitting at home, watching the football games later in the evening, I was in the mood to just stay in and mourn privately. I went online and saw friends saying they were at Old Main and I knew I had to go.

It was a moving ceremony. I couldn't help thinking of how we were all gathered here in support just recently and it made me realize how much we've been through as a school this year. Once the Blue Band finished playing, most people went to Joe's Statue again, but I just couldn't bear to go again. I went home and reminisced  on the evening and did some editing of the photos I had taken over the weekend. An image of Beaver Stadium lit into the low-lying clouds was circulating on facebook and it was quite moving. I told myself, it was now or never to get that image for own being. So once again, I got on the bike and scouted for the best location to find a shot. I finally settled on a view that had actually inspired me earlier in the day. At about 4 in the morning I had my image. The only thing that emanated from it was the idea of Joe on his way to Heaven and thus the only title that could fit it was "Lights will Guide you Home."

That night, or morning rather, I did a great deal of emotional searching. I cried, cried, and then cried more. Just in disbelief, but coming to terms with it at the same time. It really took a great deal out of me. I finally got to sleep early in the morning. Waking up a few hours later for my class, I was riding my bike past the library and realizing how sore, tight, and painful my chest was. It was my heart and all of the stress put on it from love. True heartbreak. It really dawned on my why the heart is the symbol of love; It is truly where you feel it. Right there in your chest.

Today, I waited in an enormous line for almost two hours just so I could pay my respects to a man I owe more than I can ever give back. I'm glad I was able to say goodbye to a true Legend.

You are forever in our hearts Joe. We love you.